12 Days of Idiocy: The Dozen Most Jaw-Dropping Assertions in Sarah Palin's New Book

Before I plunged into the new Sarah Palin book, Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting The Heart of Christmas about the so-called "War On Christmas," I had a talk with my brain cells. I warned them that the chances were very high that many of them would be sacrificed in the name of reading this book. I thank them for their years of service, helping me remember things from baseball statistics to people's telephone numbers. After a moment of silence, I opened my Kindle to the first page of the book and the screaming in my head began. Here are the 12 quotes that practically vaporized those cells, rendering them more than useless.

1. Last year, however, I think I was able to pull off a good one for him. To combat the anti-gun chatter coming from Washington, I surprised him [Todd Palin] with a nice, needed, powerful gun.

-- That 'anti-gun chatter from Washington' was about SANDY HOOK. You know, the one where over 20 innocent kids and teachers were killed. But hey, you're in Alaska. You need another gun to shoot a moose.

2. They send us the message that "Christmas" is something best practiced at home, as if it's a shameful and potentially exclusionary personal lifestyle choice.

-- Right. Right. That's why there are still many churches and cathedrals still in quite widespread use in this nation. Seriously, you can be a Christian and respect that other religions can be followed in this country.

3. It's about America, and what liberty truly means in our day-to-day lives.

-- Yes, the liberty for EVERYONE to follow their own religion. Not just the one that you deem the correct one.

4. Now, imagine for a moment the hysterical laughter that would ensue in the Lamestream Media if people from a pro-family group filed a lawsuit against the news networks claiming that, for example, the shot of Roseanne Barr grabbing her crotch while screeching and spitting through our national anthem at a Padres game made them physically ill.

-- Hey Palin, using terms like 'Lamestream Media' really, really undermines people's ability to take you seriously. You sound like a bitter person instead.

5. Roger Ailes, the president of Fox News Network, once asked me, “What the h-ll is so offensive about putting up a plastic Jewish family on my lawn at Christmastime?”

-- Taking words from Ailes, who runs a network that really is not "Fair And Balanced," is not the smartest thing to do. Not least because it reminds us that Sarah was fired from her post at Fox News.

6. Atheism's track record makes the Spanish Inquisition seem like Disneyland by comparison.

-- I'm sorry, the only thing that really sprang to mind was that whole "Inquisition" musical number in History of the World Part I.

7.A group that data shows to be notoriously stingy with their time, money, and pleasant attitudes, and that believes "compassion" is best represented by a failed welfare state that traps millions in lifelong poverty and despair.

-- I'm a Christian, but it seems like you have a very large dislike of atheists.

8. When I post something on Facebook, for example, you wouldn't believe the angry, outraged, and just plain silly and rude responses that immediately follow. And that doesn't even touch on the vile tweets people fire off. Does that mean a huge percentage of readers dislike what I write? I honestly don't think so.

-- No ... maybe it's because you tend to post a lot of really dumb, yet inflammatory stuff on there. It could be that. Just might.

9. The media speaks for itself and not the masses. Ignore it.

-- Just like you don't twist facts around just to make people follow you? Sure, the media can't be seen as unbiased, but this is 'pot calling kettle black' territory here.

10. I bet Charles Darwin never understood this. If the world could be described as truly "survival of the fittest," why would people collectively be stricken with a spirit of generosity in December?

-- I literally did a facepalm when I read this. OK. I just did it again. Ow. This. Is. Not. How. Evolution. Works.

11. A democracy without respect for individual liberty is just a tyranny of the majority

-- Again, you kind of miss the whole point of this sentence with your ENTIRE BOOK, Palin.

12. Our children are growing up in a culture where faith is regularly stigmatized.

-- Maybe, just maybe, those children are being taught to think more critically. Ever stopped to ponder that, hmmm? Doubt it.

Another aggravating thing about this book is the stories she uses; she concocts some of the most ludicrous scenarios that I have ever read in any book. Seriously, this is a bad book. How bad? Even the vast, vast majority of the five-star reviews on Amazon make fun of this book and its themes. If you must read it, then I would suggest getting it from the library. Then have your own talk with your brain cells.

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