The Wisdom of Schmidt: 12 'New Girl' Life Lessons from the Show's Leading Authority on Everything

When it comes to a character that's witty, quirky, and overly narcissistic, look no further than New Girl's Schmidt. Played by the incomparable Max Greenfield, Schmidt provides audiences with just the right amount of slapstick humor to leave them yearning for more of his rib-tickling Schmidt-isms. With FOX having already announced the renewal of New Girl for a sixth season, fans of the show are undoubtedly looking forward to even more sarcastic one-liners from the former fatty turned cardigan-loving metrosexual.

Greenfield has been nominated for both an Emmy and a Golden Globe for the role and no doubt hopes to snag another nom come July 14 when the Emmy nominations are announced live. The 68th Primetime Emmy Awards are slated to air on Sept. 18 with Jimmy Kimmel serving as this year's host. So let's take a moment to celebrate Schmidt with these life lessons from the show's leading authority on, well, just about everything.

On Masculinity

"Your caveman ideas about manhood are so over. Manhood today is about exfoliation, cheese courses, emotional honesty, and Paxil."

On Bedroom Blizzards

"I'm like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is like a unique experience."

On Dating Chaos

"The point of dating is to keep dating and never stop. It's like burning fossil fuel or seeing a therapist."

On Scents & Smells

"Pine has no place in a loft apartment. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses."

On Holiday Meetings

"We don't celebrate Christmas, or as I like to call it: White Anglo-Saxon Winter Privilege Night."

On Kitchen Etiquette

"Are you cooking a frittata in a saucepan? What is this, prison?"

On Sexy Cell Phones

"Any girl on a flip-phone means she's either poor or a time traveler."

On Growing Old

"Old people freak me out with their hands and their legs. They're like the people version of pleated pants."

On Labeling People

"Words that have never been used to describe Schmidt: spontaneous, flexible, easygoing. I'm like a Marine."

On Shower Time

"Bathtubs are medieval filth cauldrons."

On Goals & Determination

"You can do anything if you put your mind to it. I once figured out Alyssa Milano's phone number just by randomly choosing numbers."

On Volunteer Work

"I was the total Candy Striper package. Sick people wanted me and dying people wanted to be me."

Bonus Wisdom - On Women

"Without sex, she is not your girlfriend. She's just a friend you buy meals for."

What's your favorite Schmidt-ism? Let us know in the comments!

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