Celebrate Father's Day with Cranky Words of Wisdom from Modern Family's Patriarch, Jay Pritchett

Since Modern Family premiered on ABC in 2009, Jay Pritchett has tackled fatherhood with a little bit of shrewdness and a whole lot of snark. In between sips of his expensive whiskey, the patriarch of this nontraditional family takes it upon himself to bestow nuggets of fatherly wisdom upon his loved ones at every turn. With his daughter Claire now taking over the reins of his thriving closet business and his eldest son Mitchell climbing the corporate ladder as a successful lawyer, Jay's focus has been on his two youngest children -- his teenage stepson Manny and his precocious toddler Joe.

Ed O'Neill expertly portrays the curmudgeonly Jay with the same amount of gusto and idiocy as he did Al Bundy on the celebrated sitcom Married... with Children. Entering its 8th season this fall, Modern Family has won a total of 21 Primetime Emmy Awards, with O'Neill earning three nominations for himself. O'Neill received his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 2011 and attended the unveiling with both of his onscreen wives -- Katey Sagal and Sofia Vergara -- in tow. So in honor of Father's Day on June 19, take a look at these authentic gems of fatherly wisdom from everyone's favorite crabby TV dad.

"For God's sake change out of those wingtips. You're a kid, not Nixon on the beach!"

"I'm just saying you were never much of a kid. And that's a good thing because I never liked kids."

"Remember that time I told you I couldn't make your figure skating competition because I was stuck at work? By stuck I meant drunk and by work I meant the golf course."

"I could have guessed he'd have trouble with roller coasters. That kid gets woozy at barbershops when they spin his chair toward the mirror."

"If you put on a puffy, white shirt and declare your love for a 16-year-old, you're gonna be swinging from a flagpole in your puffy, white underpants."

"Cooking class? You know, we're running out of places to send him where he can be cool."

"What's wrong with schools today? I'm successful and I had a nun with a mustache."

"I wanted two rough and tumble boys, and I got a Manny and a pedi."

"I tried everything. Videos, books, parenting websites. I even tried to make a game out of it. Nothing could get that kid to use the toilet. By the way, do not search peeing games on the internet."

"God knows I love them, but the Kennedys didn't get together as much as this family."

"Said it from day one. Only thing coordinated about this kid was his outfits."

"Why don't you lock yourself in your room like a normal teenager?"

"Actually, we leave Manny alone all the time. Sometimes he makes cupcakes, which I could use one about now, or a potato."

"I gotta stop talking to that kid while I'm drinking."

"Manny got into a fight at The Sound of Music, got kicked out, I've never been so proud."

"He's grown up drinking from a breast bigger than his head. I don't think he scares easy."

"Claire likes to win. When she was eight, a little Girl Scout friend of hers bragged she could sell the most cookies. Damned if Claire didn't walk the neighborhood till she got blisters on her feet, and won by ten boxes. Best part is, Claire wasn't even a Girl Scout."

"I get that Thanksgiving is a big day for families that don't see each other, but we're together nonstop!"

"I've always seen life like a series of doors. Sometimes you get to choose the door you go through, and sometimes you don't get that choice. But you still have to walk through it. So either you can go through kicking and screaming, or walk through with your head held high. And since I don't get to choose the door I'm about to go through, I just pray it's a healthy, happy kid. And a boy."

What's your favorite Jay Pritchett moment? Let us know in the comments!